So this week my mom has been very cranky and I dont like it. When she is in a bad mood so am I. And I hate being home when we are both in a bad mood cause it always leads to some sort of fight cause we just cant seem to get along and keep our peace. My dad is coming on Monday and I just want to spend one day with him that is all I ask and I can barely have a normal conversation with my mom about it. I hate not being able to talk about my dad to anyone that I live with. Im the only one that seems to care about him. I have put all the bad in the past and got over it and now I just see it as its better off for him to be there and my mom here. Well I miss him and Im a big Daddys girl even though I dont tell anyone cause my mom wants to be a Mommys Girl and I havent been and probably wont be.
I try so hard to do things on my own and try to make everyone happy but its hard. I dont get that long of a leash i feel like Im 8 all over again. Im 19 and I feel like everything I do I have to ask. Thats not right. Im going to college soon and I will be making my own decisions and I feel like I needed to start doing that a long time ago to get practice so I could start learning from my mistakes. Life is going to be hard my first year since Ive been on such a short leash these past 18 years of my life. My mom seems to think 10 is late to be getting home on a school night when really its not when Im up til midnight anyway tryna sleep. I get up on time for school. So I dont see it to be a problem. I guess I dont understand. Maybe its caus Im her only gurl and she doesnt want to lose me… Idk but I just wish sometimes I had more leway on what I can and cant do.
Sometimes I feel in order to do what I want I have to lie and thats bad to do but I guess to get around things I have to do it. And what I really hate is that whenever my mom wants to prove a point to me she will ask my lil brothers if they agree with her and of course they will to get on her good side… Idk I feel like I need to get away for a while and just think to my self cause everything that comes out of my mouth will get twisted around or someone will take it the wrong way and will say i had an attitude when I said it and then words will be put into my mouth and it will just turn into one big mess. And on top of all these problems my phone doesnt even work. And when I asked why it didnt work my mom said It doesnt matter like she turned it off cause yesterday I didnt answer my phone when she called me when my phone was on the charger charging when I was out side. Im sorry I cant always answer your phone calls when you want me too. My phone died. So today I was all paranoid and had my volume all the way up and it dont even work. Wtf!! I can never win!!